T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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