Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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