You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
