last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just invented taco cereal.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
