4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
