dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
