btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
