His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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