Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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