Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
