Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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