how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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