Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
