I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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