I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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