In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
