i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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