I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
