so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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