My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
