Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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