I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
