dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
