I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
