just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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