You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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