dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
