Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
