I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
