oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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