Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am naked and annoyed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
