does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
