She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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