There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
