don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
