Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
