i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't turn off my feet"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
