Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
