Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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