Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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