My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
