I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
