My first STD was from a foam party
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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