You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
