"it" just moved
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
