he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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