you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
