evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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