I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
