i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
