You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she told me i tasted like america
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
