And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
