Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
